i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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