We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
