How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
