I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
