you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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