I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
