i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You ruined the universe
Randomize
