Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
