i just identified you from a description of your pipe
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
