I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
