I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
