Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
