What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
