Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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