she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
