In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
