I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
