My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
is it fun? or sober?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
