Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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