Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He shit in the fireplace
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