direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just invented taco cereal.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
