So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
