I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
