She went from zero to smokin in five shots
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
