Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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