I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
