my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
