I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
