stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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