We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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