I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
