Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
