i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
