I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
