Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
