dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
