so explain again why im purple
no
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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