I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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