The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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