Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
