ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
