i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
