My friends, they love my intelligence
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
