I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
