I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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