I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
