Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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