I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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