What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
