Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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