puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
