I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
