I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
