I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
