i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
