Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
