Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
