I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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